Starbucks Coffee is an internationally renown company that excels in selling what many consider to be delicious espresso-based beverages. The Starbucks scene is all too common for the average Joe, who stops through the drive thru every weekday before work for a small boost to get through the morning. The café buildings themselves are often delightful to look, acting as a source of light for a bunch of coffee-fueled moths with dyed hair and a liberal arts degree who can be seen typing away on a keyboard in the cafés across the United States.

But not everyone enjoys Starbucks, as coffee comes in many shapes, flavors, and atmosphere, and Starbucks does not appeal to many who find that paying $5 for a coffee is absolutely atrocious. We get it, the scene doesn’t appeal to every coffee-lover, but with the light of recent developments, perhaps those who prefer locally run coffee shops over Starbucks are in the right. On June 28, 2017, a program from BBC found that the iced beverages, tables, and trays in Starbucks tested positive for fecal coliforms 33% of the time.

Tony Lewis, an expert associated with the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health, commented that such a presence was “concerning” and that fecal coliforms “should not be present at any level.” It’s pretty evident at this point that Starbucks Coffee doesn’t really care about people, though, having prodded YouTube to censor free speech.

starbucks coffee
20% “Art”, 80% Human Shit.

“Fecal coliform” is a fancy scientific term for residual traces of human feces. Yes, that’s right. If you are that Starbucks fan who orders an iced almond milk based caramel vanilla macchiato with whipped cream and sprinkles every weekday, odds are that you have consumed an alarming quantity of literal shit.

So what’s the solution? Consider checking out your local coffee shop(s). Choosing to get caffeinated with a mom-and-pop kind of place in the morning has countless benefits, beginning economically. When you buy local, you’re not feeding into the hands of a businessman. You’re putting someone’s kid through college. Then, there is the health aspect. Small businesses are scrutinized by federal standards harder than corporations, and are more likely to stress over health code violations. So in the long run, choosing your friendly neighborhood coffee shop over Starbucks Coffee greatly decreases the amount of feces sitting in your stomach in addition to helping out your locality.

Objectively speaking, the coffee grinds used by Starbucks aren’t particularly special, and can cost up to twice the price that a smaller café would charge. And, as we’ve seen, there’s a chance that you’re getting human feces in that cold beverage. So do yourself and your standards a favor and find a new place to get your java juice fix.