How To Trick Them Into Thinking You’re An SJW

2

 Would you identify yourself as a right wing extremist? Conservative? Alt-Right? Maybe even a Nazi? In a modern Western World, there are struggles we woke fokes face everyday. Our jobs, our homes, and our churches are filled to the brim with blue pill popping liberals. Offer any of them a red pill, or simply uncover your hidden beliefs, and you will surly be stomped into silence. A mind controlled SJW stops at nothing to expose any nonconformists, so to save yourself a trip to prison, (where you will undoubtedly write a best selling book about your struggles) here are five things you can do to fool SJW’s into thinking you’re one of them.

1: Wear a beanie

 Don’t get me wrong, the beanie (for women) can be a stylish and practical accessory in the fall/winter months. I even wear them from time to time. But if you are a teenage boy or a full grown man, wearing a beanie in public truly captures that, “I’m a beta male” look. Extra oppression points are awarded if the beanie is pink. Adding converse shoes and skinny jeans can also be a plus, as it shows your SJW friends that you are not out to oppress them.

2: Make sure your social circles include several oppressed minorities.

 If you are white and straight, be careful to avoid those who are like you when SJW’s are hovering. Make polite conversations with gays, blacks, Muslims, and Jews. Make sure to include women and trans people as well. If SJW’s catch you with people outside of your own race and gender, they will be more likely to think you’re one of them.

3: Don’t ask the Jewish question.

 You are literally Hitler if you do this, stop that goyim! While you may just be the average right winger, and not an actual Nazi, libtards are not smart enough to understand your point of view or your tendency to connect the dots. To avoid their wild accusations, dumb yourself down and pretend to accept every “fact” ((they)) throw at you.

4: Go to their rallies to show your “support”

 If you’re not gay, don’t assume that just because they have gay pride, you can have straight pride. They see straight people as the oppressors, and you’re supposed to be acting oppressed. The next time one of your gay friends has a pride parade, show up and participate. If they ask, just say “I’m bi” and that will be the end of it. If a rally you actually support is coming to your town, go to your local dollar store and purchase a hoodie and a bandanna; you’re joining Antifa! The counter protesters! Instead of rallying behind free speech, you must put your passions aside and fall in line with all the commies- uh, I mean Social Justice Warriors… fighting for basic human rights.

5: Spew hate and act like you agree with them

 Finally my fellow woke fokes, when the topic turns to social issues, make good on your talents for speaking by pushing all of their narratives. Start with, “Men fart louder, and thus contribute to rape culture.” Once you got their attention, start spewing hateful and non logic based phrases like, “Death to all straight white males!” Even if you are white, straight, and a male, the beanie and skinny jeans are clever disguises and they’ll help you, especially if you’re borderline anorexic or morbidly obese. More oppression points? Yes please. Claiming victim status by faking mental illnesses such as ADHD or Autism will work to your benefit and fool the blue pilled masses. When they say something you don’t agree with, just raise your fist and say “Donald Trump is a bitch!” It works every time.   

 Remember, at the end of the day, you can always speak freely on 4chan. 

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com If you enjoyed this article, buy me a cup of coffee! Yes, seriously! Writers need coffee, and at Squawker Media, we appreciate all of our supporters. Thanks for supporting the cause!