If you didn’t think media outlets like CNN could get even more deranged, you would be dead wrong. This morning we woke to see this headline on our newsfeeds: 

Why kids love ‘fascist’ cartoons like ‘Paw Patrol’ and ‘Thomas’

Yeah. I cringed a little too. Firstly you’re thinking, “how on earth are Thomas The Tank Engine and Paw Patrol ‘fascist’ cartoons?!” Well, they’re not. But CNN has an explanation which to them seems logical and is the basis for telling your child they can’t watch Paw Patrol anymore.   

Parents like to see themselves as purveyors of possibility. We want our children to inhabit a world in which identities are both mutable and equal, and imagination and empathy reign supreme! But young children, as dictated by their tastes in popular culture, have something else in mind. They’re drawn to worlds in which identities are fixed, order trumps imagination and transgressions are met with routine punishment.

Okay, so children understand that there can only be one winner, there are only two genders, and there are consequences for your actions. It actually sounds like this generation is off to a good start, but continue…  

“Thomas,” the long-running television franchise about a group of working trains chugging away on the Island of Sodor, has been called a “premodern corporate-totalitarian dystopia” in the New Yorker, imperialist and sinister in Slate, and classist, sexist and anti-environmentalist in the Guardian. “Paw Patrol” is equally polarizing. The show, about a group of rescue dogs led by a boy named Ryder, is a regular source of complaint among parents and of adoration among their kids.

A feminist/SJW woman had another complaint regarding Paw Patrol: 

“I watched ‘Paw Patrol’ once with my daughter, and on that episode, Skye volunteered for a mission, but then Ryder picked two male pups. Skye is the only female in the core team of six rescue pups on the show. I remember thinking, ‘There’s a glass ceiling in this cartoon!'”

Her child just learned a valuable lesson; just because you’re a woman, does not mean you can play the woman card, get everything you want, and hate men for simply being men.

CNN told us that children like these shows because their parents don’t. Not because Paw Patrol inspires them to do good and fight for justice, not because Thomas encourages children to use their skills to help others, no. It’s because children are little fascists in training just waiting for the day when they can grow up, take over America, and rule over its land forever. 

Yes, children need to learn that not everyone has an equal set of skills. They need to learn and understand the order of things and how to work as a team. They need to be taught that when you do the wrong thing, you get punished for it. These are not fascist ideas, these are good morals that kids need to learn in order to function with others around them. If Thomas The Tank Engine and Paw Patrol can teach them these things, I think more children should be watching them. 

Before ending the bizarre article, CNN had this piece of advice to share in hopes that we would all embrace feminism and socialism.  

Here’s an idea, gratis, for the creative team behind of “Paw Patrol” and “Thomas,” should they want to broaden their appeal to parents without alienating their fan base: Ryder and Sir Topham Hatt retire and are replaced by their equally domineering sisters. This, in turn, boosts the social status of all the non-male characters. Children would still get the satisfaction of immersing themselves in an orderly universe where rules are rules, and everyone is in his or her place. Just without the white guy on top.

There are no “white guys”, there are trains and dogs. Because of this “everything is fascist” mentality we have going on, give it ten years and we aren’t even going to know what a fascist actually is. 

We say that there is hope for this new generation of children, that they won’t be as backward and entitled as today’s older millennials and gen x. So far, it sounds like we’re on the right track.