Trump Keeps Winning: Goth Day at Disneyland Canceled

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Is there anything more magical than taking your children to Disneyland for the first time? The excitement, the wonder and the pure joy of experiencing the world through their innocent eyes? 

How about standing in line for the Matterhorn behind a tranny in white face, wearing seven-inch black leather heels, a ballet skirt, a corset and a skull backpack that says “I love death?”

“What’s in her nose?” your five-year-old daughter asks, pointing to the bullring hanging off the sexually ambiguous zombie from hooker hell standing in front of your family.

You might reflect silently, surrounded by “goths” on the special day they all crowd the park once a year, look toward the heavens and plead, “Is there no one who can stop this madness?”

Congratulations, your prayer has been answered.

In comes Donald Trump, with yet another win from the president who promised us during his campaign that we would get tired of winning. He has carefully crafted a tax plan so perfect that it has killed Goth day at Disneyland. 

It’s a superpower I’m pretty sure even he was unaware he had. 

“We’ve been watching the climate, we’ve been watching what’s been going on with our economy, we’ve been watching political aspects of everything, and tax situations and we kind of saw this coming.”

And it wasn’t that we didn’t do everything we could—we ran different scenarios to see whether or not we could keep doing this, and we did a lot of research, a lot of research with tax attorneys and with our tax attorney, and, unfortunately, it just wasn’t feasible to actually continue to do the event with the way that we run the event.” Noah Korda, the founder of the Goth day event, told Vice news.

Basically, Goth day was running on tax write-offs that aren’t in the new, Republican, tax plan. Without the government subsidizing Goth Day, the Goths couldn’t afford it. 

“We really can’t do 100 percent of our deductions that we’ve always been able to do,” Korda said. “Mind you, we can still do some deductions, but it’s not nearly as much as what we have been able to do.”

So 2018 saw the very last official goth day at Disneyland.

In all fairness, the subculture of the “goths” who arose during the 1980s, has been on the wane for nearly a decade but this tax plan put the nail in the coffin for the post-punk, death rock loving, Disney-goers. 

However, with Disney raising prices for many of its parks this year, we may all need a tax write off to afford to go. 

And for those still looking to scar their kids for life AND attend a Disney theme park, there’s always Disney’s gay days. 

Yes, I edited this picture and you’re welcome.